Why me?
by cein
Summary: Matthew Lawson sometimes wondered whether the fates had it in for him. (spoilers up to S5 ep1)


Title: Why me?  
Fandom: The Doctor Blake Mysteries  
Author: Ceindreadh  
Type of Story: one-shot  
Characters: Matthew Lawson, Alice Harvey  
Pairing: Matthew/Alice, existing relationship  
Rating: 15  
Spoilers: Up to S5 ep 1  
Summary: Matthew Lawson sometimes wondered whether the fates had it in for him.  
Word count: ~ 1,400  
Disclaimer. I don't own the characters, I'm only borrowing them, and no copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

Matthew Lawson sometimes wondered whether the fates had it in for him.

"Why me?" Why had he had a father who was obsessed with cards and gambling.  
Many times, as a child, he'd watched his old man take money out of his mother's purse, money that was supposed to pay the bills and put food on their table. Some days it would be replaced. They'd eat well and have new clothes and not have to hide under the stairs when the rent man came calling. Some days there were bicycles. And then other days, other days, he and Vera were sent to bed early because there wasn't any fuel for the fire. Other days, his mother said she'd have her dinner later, and he knew she'd be going hungry. Other days he wished he was six feet tall, so he wouldn't have to keep out of his father's way.

"Why me?" Why had McEvoy picked on him when they were kids? Was it because he knew that the Lawson's weren't one of the more 'good' families in the community? He certainly never picked on the coppers sons or the Doctor's son. No, they weren't the ones who got belted so hard they could barely breathe.  
Matthew had been hiding under the stairs, feeling like he was going to cough up a lung when Lucien Blake, the doctor's son had found him. Under normal circumstances, they wouldn't have given each other the time of day. The kids from the 'good' families moved in their own circles. Those whose fathers were Doctors or Solicitors or members of the Old Colonists Club. They stuck together and usually only took notice of the Lawsons of this world to torment them. But Lucien had always been different. His concern for a fellow student, the early hallmarks of his compassion and his curiosity had led him to stay with Matthew until he'd recovered from his coughing fit and was able to go to class.  
They'd both been late for class of course and both had received a cane across the knuckles for tardiness. Commiserating with each other afterwards, had been the beginning of a friendship that had lasted throughout the few years that they'd spent together at Ballarat West. It had even lasted through the intermittent letters that they'd exchanged when Lucien had been shipped off to boarding school. They'd lost touch for a while when Matthew had joined the police force and Lucien had started his medical training and had only resumed correspondence when Matthew had been appointed as Superintendent at Ballarat. He'd been the one to write to Lucien, telling him that Tom Blake was ill and that if Lucien wanted to make peace with his father that he was running out of time to do so.

"Why me?" Why had Doug Ashby made his life hell for so many years. Matthew had wanted to join the force ever since he could remember. He'd wanted to be able to do something, to protect the people who needed it. But some days it seemed like nothing he could do was good enough for his commanding officer. He'd put in for a transfer at the earliest opportunity, even though he'd hated the prospect of leaving Ballarat. But Ashby had blocked all his attempts to leave and it wasn't until he'd enlisted to fight in the war that he'd managed to escape from under his thumb

"Why me?" Why had Matthew Lawson survived the war virtually unscathed when so many men had failed to return. That was a question that had haunted him for many years and he'd thrown himself into his work to avoid thinking about it.

"Why me?" Matthew had applied for the position of Chief Superintendent of Ballarat when he'd heard on the police grapevine that Doug Ashby had put in for retirement. He'd served his time in St. Kilda and knew that if he kept his nose clean that he'd have a good shot at being in charge there in a few years. But Ballarat was his home, and much to his delight, his appointment was rubber-stamped in a matter of weeks. It wasn't until they were doing the handover of Ballarat station that he found out that Doug had recommended him for the position. "You always had potential, even as a wet behind the ears Constable. But I wanted men behind me who could stand up for themselves, do what had to be done. You'll do."

"Why me?" Unfortunately, the high-ups in Melbourne hadn't felt the same way after a few years. And Matthew asked himself that question repeatedly when they'd ordered him to Melbourne to face the disciplinary hearing. All his life he had tried to do the right thing, tried to protect those who needed protecting and punish those who deserved it. And now it was all amounting to nothing. Somebody had decided that Ballarat needed new blood, their blood, and once again a Lawson was deemed not to have the right pedigree for the position. Well, Matthew hadn't got where he was by giving up when things got tough, and if they wanted him out, he wasn't going to make things easy for them.

"Why me?" Matthew had asked himself as he'd lain there in the hospital bed, his leg in agony, his spirit broken, knowing that an idiot with a car had managed to do what the high-ups in Melbourne hadn't been able to. After fighting so hard to regain his position, now, a few weeks later he was going to lose it permanently, and had been lucky not to lose his leg on top of it. There were times during his convalescence when he'd almost succumbed to the despair. Times when he'd wished that Lucien Blake hadn't been so bloody good a doctor and had just let Doctor Masterson take his leg and be done with it. Surely a wooden leg couldn't have been much harder to get used to than the damaged specimen he'd been left with and a lot less painful as well. But he'd come through the far side and put as much effort into regaining his strength as he had in taking down Munro and his ilk. And when he'd heard that Frank Carlyle had messed things up in Ballarat, Matthew had grabbed the opportunity with both hands.

"Why me?" he had said to the committee who had convened to deal with the 'Ballarat situation' as they'd deemed it. "Well for starters, I know the station, I know the community, and most of all, I know the officers. You want somebody in charge who isn't going to consort with criminals or run up gambling debts or bring the force into disrepute, well I know the men and if you give me the chance, I'll train you up a replacement who won't rock the boat." Matthew didn't know exactly how he'd managed it, but somehow, he'd convinced the committee that what Ballarat needed right then was stability, and more importantly that he was the best man for the job. This time, he promised himself that he'd make it count.

"Why me?" Matthew asked Alice, one night after they'd been walking out together for a few weeks. "You're so sophisticated, so smart…surely you could have any man that you wanted. Why me?"

"In case you hadn't noticed," said Alice, a little acerbically, "Most of the men I come into contact with are dead. And in many cases, that's still an improvement on the live ones that I meet. Of the good ones, well, I didn't fancy fighting Jean for Lucien or waiting for Rose to finish with Charlie." She watched as Matthew smiled involuntarily, "Matthew Lawson, you are a good man. You are kind and decent, and honourable and loyal. You stand up for your friends, but you stand up to them when necessary." She took his hands in hers, "I could list any number of logical reasons 'why you', but love doesn't stand for reasons." With one hand, she reached up and cupped his cheek, "And I…I love you."

Matthew covered her hand with his and turned his face to kiss her wrist. "I love you too."

The end


End file.
